How to Build Community in a Rough Season
Feeling lonely or anxious living in a big city or starting over in a new community?
Understandably so! Many people feel that way.
In a crowded city like New York, many hearts are longing for more–more connection, more peace, more hope. And you might be wondering…can building a community really impact and shape mental health?
The answer is yes! Forming and building bonds is a great place to start when conquering anxiety, loneliness and depression. A recent article on college students and mental health noted that friendships are imperative for enhancing a person’s emotional well-being, emphasizing that friends play a special role in providing emotional comfort, practical help, and, essentially, influencing one's happiness (Ruihua et al., 2025).
If you’re wondering where to start, here are some tips on how to navigate such a season. It might feel like a lot of work, or take a lot of energy to build, but the key is to start small.
STEP #1 - Take an inventory of who is around you.
This means taking a look at your social life and writing down a list of names of people around you. Is there a coworker you always wanted to connect with, but you just haven’t had the chance yet to engage? Are there people at your church you serve with or see every week? Have you met a friend of a friend recently and are interested in knowing more about them? Someone you met from a workout class, but not yet at friendship level?
Write down all their names - don’t think too much about it yet.
STEP #2: Reach out for a coffee or tea date.
Now this step might be the scariest, but it does require action.
Pick at least 3 people from your new list and simply invite them for coffee, lunch, dinner, etc. It’s important to note before reaching out that there may be some who reject this offer or don’t have time, but the key here is not to take it personally.
The main goal is to start the connection.
Others might feel the same way; meaning, they too long for connection but haven’t taken any steps yet or are nervous to do so. This step is crucial because it gently knocks, hopefully opening the door for connecting and the start of building friendship!
STEP #3: Reflect and pray!
Reflect on how you’re feeling after reaching out and/or already going on those dates and see if there’s actual room for growth in those new relationships. Prayer is helpful to give you guidance and wisdom on how to follow up and move forward. Building new relationships takes time; it requires trust to be built and lots of reciprocation.
The goal is to build community and find your sweet spot in the social world!
Once finding some safety in this area, there’s room for supporting your mental health and decreasing symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Finding your people takes some vulnerability, but it's one step closer to improving your mental health. This includes combating isolation, having more emotional support, and cultivating a sense of belonging!
Reference
Ruihua, L., Hassan, N. C., Qiuxia, Z., Sha, O., & Jingyi, D. (2025). A systematic review on the impact of social support on college students wellbeing and mental health. PloS One, 20(7), e0325212. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0325212
